Lie #9 - Delta Iota Kappa

Running around naked in Times Square in the rain just keeps on paying dividends. Today one of my blog readers called me and asked whether I’d like to join his fraternity. He explained that what I did on Monday was the sort of thing they strongly encouraged and that I would make an excellent member--after a suitable hazing, of course.

I explained that I was long out of school and, in fact, was an important businessman in the imported Norwegian canned pickled herring industry (not to mention my experience in building demolition--which I did mention and which led to a confusing conversation in which I had to explain that I did not “build a demolition” (there’s no such thing as that), rather I demolished-- Oh, never mind, in the end neither of us knew what I was talking about).

Anyway, the young man went on to explain that one of their fraternity brothers had died of old age and they were looking for someone to take his place as the creepy guy who was way to old for college and was I interested?

“Was he one of those guys who goes back to get their degree at age 80 because World War II interrupted their studies?” I asked.

“No, nothing like that,” said the young man. “It had to do with the terms of his grandfather’s will.”

Apparently, the guy would get his inheritance in monthly checks “as long as he stayed in college.” The grandfather probably meant that he would get the money if he stuck out college and graduated. It’s too bad the grandfather didn’t hire a lawyer and do better job of drafting the terms of that will. It’s too bad the guy didn’t study law while he was in college for 60 years, because he might have been able the get the darn will interpreted a different way.

“So,” said the young man. “Are you ready to join the men who’ve joined the ΔΙΚs?”

“I sure am!” I said.

Wow! I’ve been asked to join a fraternity!