Today I solved the Mideast Crisis. Now, now, stop it. It's not what your thinking. Why anyone gets turned on by the Mideast Crisis I have no idea. Such people are aberrant at best. I mean, you could get turned on by sheet rubber, if you know what I mean; or this Marilyn Monroe video, which you can see at the following link. Siobhan Bonnouvrier is hot, if only for her name, never mind what she did with that cougar in Chicago with Todd McShay after ther ACL Festival, on tax day no less--in the back of the Pope mobile. But I digress.
My point is that having discovered a magic phrase. (No, is it not “ponder the monder” or “ponder the maunder,” and it has nothing to do with Maundy money.) Anyway, I went to the Mideast, and you should have seen the place. I mean, rockets and bombs and bullets flying around. I shouted, "Yo! PEOPLE! Cool it." And they did.
So, mission accomplished, I came back to the Unites States and had brunch on the Upper East Side, like I always do. You know where to find me, Nobel Committee, and if you have mislaid my address, you can always call the people at the Able Prize or Norwegian Pickled Herring Institute.
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